Mom for President

On Election Day, I will step into a 12‘X4’ booth, draw a worn curtain and decide who will have a hand in our country’s future. I’ll carry an independent ballot.

Gary Johnson? No way.

McKeon. Roseanna McKeon.

I want my mom to serve as the forty-fifth president of the United States.

She’ll get my vote — it will probably stand as her only one — but millions of moms, by right, should also receive votes.

Fed up with Barack Obama? Can’t stand Mitt Romney?

Consider you mom. She’s honest, brimming with integrity and will see to it that you get a cushy cabinet position.

I’m confident my mom could lead this country more capably than any lifetime politician can.

Her platform:

  • Crime: Break a window or steal a Yogi Bear pencil from a store? Expert a stern lecture and no prime-time television for a week. The death penalty is off the table.
  • Commerce: My mom will shop only at sensible stores. She looks for bargains but is a stickler for quality. Gap. Shaw’s. Target.
  • Education: She’ll tolerate Cs in weak areas but an honest effort is expected. She’ll drive you to school on rainy mornings.
  • Health care: When you’re sick, expect the usual soups, a second cup of tea and a treat (the latest Sports Illustrated and maybe her homemade Swedish apple pie).
  • Immigration: She’ll let the neighborhood kids play in the backyard.
  • Foreign policy: Thanks to her diplomacy, our family has had good relations with all our neighbors, even the grumpy guy who works third shift at the Bud plant.
  • Welfare reform: Depend on my mom to slip ten dollars into your pocket, or give you a new shirt when it’s not your birthday.
  • Social issues: Even though she’s nearing 80, she won’t ask you to turn down the volume when you play U2. Would Nancy Pelosi do that?

If you’re undecided walking into the polls, look beyond attack ads, MSNBC and Fox News. Go with your gut.

At one point in your life, you probably told your mom she deserved to be leader of the free world. I did.

My mom won’t win, but in my book, she doesn’t need to run.